Obvious Advice
by WingedWolf121
Summary: Meet Erik Lensherr, from X-Men Fist Class. He's about to leave Charles Xavier on a freaking beach surrounded by hostile ships, thus erasing any chance he ever had at happiness. This could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend. Crack. Cherik.


_Meet Erik Lensherr, from X-Men Fist Class. He's about to leave Charles Xavier on a freaking beach surrounded by hostile ships, thus erasing any chance he ever had at happiness. This could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend. _

"We want the same thing!"

"I'm sorry." Charles's eyes shone with tears. "But we do not."

"What are you doing? What, what, what, are you doing?" Erik and Charles and everyone else on the beach started. There was a man with a scarf amongst them. "This is not a good idea! You do not _leave_ your boyfriend on a beach! Are you crazy?"

"What."

"Have you noticed that he's been shot? You do not leave people who have been shot!" The scarf was flipped over a shoulder. "That makes you a dick Erik. Do you want to be a dick?"

"We disagree on mutant issues-"

"So you leave him? That's excessive! What if he's paralyzed? What if there are complications? What if he worries and loses all of that thick, luscious, hair because he's so sad? Do you want to deprive the world of that hair Erik?"

"I agree with the scarf man."

"See? Charles agrees with me Erik. Charles understands the value of the Sassy Gay Friend Advice. Look at your life. Look at your choices. Are you really going to leave him? Look at his _eyes_ Erik. Are you ever going to find eyes that are that blue ever again Erik? We both know you think stupid cheesy thoughts about those eyes. Charles knew it too, and you cannot tell me that being in bed with a telepath isn't the best sex ever."

"We never-"

"Please. I know better. You and Charles are holding hands right now Erik. Sean knows better. Hank knows better. Alex knows better. These are oblivious teenage boys. Erik, this denial is crashing and burning."

"He was-"

"No. No. There is no justification for this! Like your hat. Have you seen your hat? Did someone tell you helmets were in style Erik, because they aren't. There's a reason the creep who lived in a submarine was the only one wearing a helmet, and do we even need to cover the ick factor in wearing a hat that was on the head of the weirdo who tortured you? No! No! We do not do things like that!"

"The helmet _is_ pretty dorky Erik."

"You see? Raven knows what she's talking about. And while we're at it, what are _you_ doing? Walking around naked? The blue is most certainly your color sweetheart, but that just makes you look skanky."

"You know, he has a point."

"Exactly. Listen to the _fine_ blonde with the excellent hair. Now Erik, what have we learned? We've learned that when you do great romantic gestures like exploding all those missiles, not kissing the guy in your lap is poor follow-through. Besides, Raven and I want to film it. And Erik, don't you think that a circulation of two mutants kissing would make the females fight for your rights? Use your fan base Erik!"

"What's a fan base?"

"Not important. Important is that you haven't taken the helmet off, so that hot piece of ass on your lap, who by the way is in _pain_ doesn't know you love him." Erik fumbled with his helmet. "Move!"

"I am!" Erik yanked the helmet off. Charles gasped.

"You see? You two are so in love I'm getting cavities being in your presence. And can we establish right now that Charles is paying for my dental bill? He's very rich, you golddigger you. Oh, well. I see you two are busy making out." The Sassy Gay Friend smiled. "You could have done this before the bullet, you stupid bitch."

"Seriously, who the hell are you?" Moira asked.

"I'm the one telling you that yellow spandex was never an option. You're all such stupid bitches."

**A/N: W-was I the only one who thought this, after watching far too many sketches on you tube and thinking about XMFC far too much?**

***goes into corner and dies of shame***

**PS: I don't own XMFC or the Sassy Gay Friend. Also, review?**


End file.
